Toxic Relationships #101

Toxic relationships happen to most everyone in the dating sphere. For some it can be really easy to walk away from these toxic situations and it can be easy to judge someone that may be with the wrong person. But for other people it’s not so easy. They may not even know the relationship is unhealthy, and those ties that bind them to that person can seem unbreakable. The idea of being able to break away may seem like more work than staying. If you are one of those people that are in an unhealthy or toxic relationship hopefully we can help. 

Does this person respect your or your space?

It’s not uncommon to want to be with someone all of the time. But when you do take a break from constant companionship are you constantly being hounded? Do you receive text after text or back to back phone calls until you return? This can be a sign of distrust but it can also be a sign that something in the relationship just isn’t healthy. There is no reason why you shouldn’t be able to go to work and not have 10 missed calls by your lunch break. There is also no reason that you should be getting called out of your name or belittled. Whether you make less money or have made some mistakes in the past. These aren’t reasons to be constantly disrespected. Especially if someone tells you they love but as soon as things aren’t going their way they throw these things in your face to hurt you. 

When you express yourself, does this person truly hear you?

This can be dealing with your dreams, goals and aspirations or I’m sure you’ve noticed some signs that may not be sitting well with you. If you’ve brought these things to your partners attention, have they made excuses for their ways, using how much they love you to rationalize their own behavior. If they are actively trying to change, that may be great too but that doesn’t mean you need to stick by them while they make these changes. Only you can decide if it’s worth the wait. If there is any abuse at hand, it may be better to just walk away. 

When you leave, do they beg you to stay?

When you finally decide this relationship isn’t for you, it’s not uncommon for that person to beg and plead for you to stay or return. They could be on their hands and knees, crying you rivers of love but beneath it all they are still trying to control the situation. They might even result to stalking. Or try some grand act to win your love only to show you that they are the same person. Don’t get caught up in the theatrics. Anyone who truly loved you would acknowledge the unhealthy behavior and work on themselves rather than continue to hold you hostage. 

What you need to know!

There are kids involved: Whether they are your kids together or just the kids of you or your partner, you can’t feel that staying together is the best option. Kids deserve to see a vibrant, happy and healthy parent or figure in their life. If the other person is making you feel anything other than strong and uplifted then the better situation may be to go. Being a strong role model for your children or their is more important than sticking something out. Whether the children in the situation are yours or not you can allow them to think the behavior your experiencing is okay. Don’t think about staying because of them, consider leaving for you and them. 
You can’t fix them: You may be a psychologist but it wouldn’t be enough to fix a broken person. That can only happen with time and determination on their end. You shouldn’t have to carry the weight of their burdens, no matter how much you love them. If those burdens are causing you to be unwell, in any form, you need to free yourself. This doesn’t just apply to physical abuse. You can be the target of verbal abuse or unsteady mood changes. This person could be putting you at risk because they don’t practice monogamy. These are their burdens and they are not your crosses to bare. 
Reach out to family and friends: Undoubtedly your family and friends may have distanced themselves from you and your partner because of the toxicity. You might feel like they don’t want to hear from you or help but it couldn’t be further from the truth. Reach out to them, they may give you a place to stay if needed. If you don’t have any friends, make some. Find someone you feel you can trust, that doesn’t know your partner and they may be willing to help you. 
Stay strong: I mentioned stalking briefly but you can’t underestimate the power of someone who doesn’t want to see you go. They can pop up at your job, or any other place they feel you might be. Don’t give in. Ignore them when they call or change your number and routine. If it gets too crazy don’t hesitate to call the law. It’s better to be safe than sorry. You have to do this for you. No one else will take your health serious, it’s up to you. 
Not all relationships that exhibit these tendencies are toxic, but if they are something you are dealing with on a regular basis then it may be something to consider. And as always, only you know the best road to your happiness, remove any roadblocks.
**Any tips on how to spot a toxic relationships or ways to get out of one? Share them below!**