8 Tips for Dealing with Bitter and Angry People

So, I’ve been dealing with a few particular bitter persons for quite some time, and usually it is every easy for me to push right through it. But even the best of us can fall victim to someone else’s negative energy. I’ve tried reasoning, I’ve tried understanding, I’ve tried confronting yet nothing seems to work to change this persons behaviour. I’m here to let you know, you can’t change anyone’s behaviour but your own.  I have some tricks that work best when I’m in my right mind and functioning at my highest vibrations. Which I’m proud to say is more often than not.

1. Don’t argue with crazy. You may have heard the saying, ” never argue with a fool because from a distance, no one can tell who is who.”
This is so true and I have to tell myself and others close to me this all the time. Save your breath, your thumb strength and your one liners. This person is not operating from a space of caring. None of your well thought out and supported facts will be received. You end up questioning yourself or your own intentions when there is no evidence to support their view. They are normally operating from hearsay at best.

2. Interact with this person as little as possible.
Don’t expose yourself to any mistreatment that isn’t necessary. This will only cause you angst, anger, sadness and all of the emotions in between. Use as little conversation to get your goal accomplished or get through an event. Anything more is when you begin to or risk your spirit being drained.

3. Do something else.
By this I mean, do something else to remove yourself from the uncomfortable situation. Focus on kids or other things that will allow you to spend as little time as possible under their gaze and provides you with a mood changer.

4. Don’t try to get them to understand you, they won’t!
They’re never going to understand your point of view. They don’t care about it. Their intensions are often times rooted in making you feel bad, or causing some disruption in your life. Take back your power and save yourself the trouble of a one on one.

5. Don’t get caught up in the blame game!
A person will find any reason, or excuse to blame your for the things going wrong in their life instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. You don’t have the power to control another persons outcome. Unless your name is Charles Manson or Jim Jones, I think you can free yourself of this guilt.

6. Remember the bigger picture.
There is a reason that you have to subject yourself to this person in the first place. There has to be a bigger picture at play. It may be a job that you love or a relationship with a loved one at stake. When you are feeling like doing something that wouldn’t be in your best interest, remind yourself that the reason you are here is bigger than them or you.

7. Don’t ask them for anything.
Sometimes this person may have something you want or need. And you feel that if you ask them nicely they’ll share it with you willingly, saving you time. But this person does not run on ‘wills.’ At least not when it comes to you. So, just avoid the plague they’ll send your way by even asking. Get your own!

8. Love your self!
Love yourself  so much that nothing this person has to say, negative or otherwise has any affect on how you feel about yourself

There are some people you just can’t cut out of your life no matter how much you wish you could. If there’s no strings attached, grab a pair of scissors. If you don’t have that option then try these steps, let me know how they work!

Here is an article if you need more steps that the ones above: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prescriptions-life/201201/dont-try-reason-unreasonable-people

Tell me how you feel after implementing these steps into your life. Were they helpful
or do you have any tips that aren’t listed but work best for you? Leave them below!

2017: The Year of Acceptance

When a new year starts it can be daunting to think about changing when you haven’t even accepted who or where you are. I would like to take a moment to work on a part of the Serenity Prayer that has always struck a cord with me:

God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.

I know the new year is supposed to be about change. But this year, we may need to work on acceptance. This is a resolution that doesn’t get much recognition. There are so many people out there that are battling with their past, battling with their present, battling with their thoughts. Before you can change you need to accept that you are the person you are meant to be. There are some things about yourself that you just can’t change and need to be accepted and embraced to allow you to have a clear head. There is power in accepting who you are. When you truly accept who you are no one can tear you down for being gay, straight, transitioning, dark-skinned, light-skinned, Jewish or Atheist. You’ll begin to find power in those things that once were a sore spot for you.

Even things that can be improved upon can deserve some acceptance. Things like weight loss and mental illness are just a couple of things that also require acceptance. Accept that you are beautiful and capable no matter what. So that when you don’t have the energy or the drive to get things completed the way you would have hoped, you don’t allow it to consume you. You are still capable of continuing and picking yourself up from exactly where you left off.

We also need to accept unexpected change as it comes. Things may not have worked out how you expected this past year. Try accepting those changes, think about what you may have learned or what you may have gained from those unexpected changes and experiences. You can’t change the past any more than you can predict the future. Accept was has happened and do your best to make a brighter day, despite the difficulties you face.

Change is great but acceptance can be so powerful. Accept that you are who you were truly meant to be within. Any changes that come be they physical or metaphysical can only enhance what was already there in you all along. Accept who you are meant to be, challenges and all. Because if you are looking for change, it may not come easy. So accept the challenge. Change doesn’t have to be your only goal for 2017, and acceptance can be a catalyst.

**Do you have any things you are working on accepting in the new year or any goals you have set out? Drop them below! Your acceptance can help someone else!**

IFYAM: Stop Being The “Crazy” Girlfriend

This is an ode to all of the crazy girlfriends out there. Let’s just take a step back and chill!

First off, you may be asking your self, “Am I a crazy girlfriend?” Chances are, if you have to ask, you already know. I don’t like to uplift the crazy but I can’t deny that I have been the crazy girlfriend a time or two before. What causes the crazy girlfriend to wil’ out and not care who’s looking? If you are crazy, how do you change? Coming from a semi reformed crazy girlfriend, let me help you. Put your hand in my hand, let’s take a walk, I promise I won’t look anywhere else but into your eyes😍.

What causes you or your girlfriend to go crazy!? This could be a number of things, but let’s just touch on some of the key factors.

  1. Past relationships or past incidents in the current relationship can cause a girlfriend to be on edge. Once something happens to break trust in can be hard to not be on the defensive. If you’ve lied about something important or said you were one place when you were somewhere totally different, don’t be surprised if your girlfriend is tracking you via Find My iPhone. Now you word isn’t good enough, she needs physical proof that you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing. Yes, it’s your fault!
  2. Insecurities can  also play a big part in the crazy girlfriends way of thinking. If she doesn’t feel beautiful, she’s going to assume you are finding beauty in all of the photos of those Instagram girls with the big butts and boobs we can only get if we manage to win a Dr. Miami body makeover giveaway. Next time you see Bernice Burgos Instagram fellas just keep scrolling. Do you really need to double tap that? Gosh!
  3. She might not even know she’s being crazy! Sometimes, what you might think is crazy, is really just normal behavior for her. She’s done these things so much and so often she’s not even aware that she might be taking things a bit too far with you. Maybe she doesn’t need to have her friends following you to work to make sure you stay there all day. Plus if she’s tracking you via Find My iPhone, it’s just overkill.
  4. Take a look at your self. Really ask your self, what might you be doing to encourage this behavior. Yes, everyone has the right to choose there reaction to the stimuli in front of them. But you can only ask so much of your significant other. Are there things she’s been asking you to do or not do that you’ve failed to pay attention to?

So it’s broken, how do you fix it?

I though you’d never ask! There two parts to this, if you’re a crazy girlfriend, we’ll talk to you first. You have no patience!

  1. Work on yourself! There’s no better way to work on your quality of life than to improve upon yourself. Maybe you need to seek counseling, to help you get rid of that baggage or maybe you just need to share how it is affecting you with your current partner. Sometimes the best way to let go of somethings is to just put it all out there until you feel better. If you need help sticking to a goal, check this article out.
  2. Tell yourself you are beautiful! It sounds so cliche but it can work wonders. And if you don’t believe it when you are saying it, it doesn’t hurt to change things up a bit. Try a new hairstyle, go to the gym or buy some new clothes. I know there are so many things you’ve been thinking about doing but you can’t do them because you’re trying to make sure you don’t miss something bad that hasn’t happened yet. Go take care of yourself and don’t worry about anyone else.
  3. You can’t control the past or the future. You can’t spend you time worrying about what might happen, and you know this. But if something does happen, wouldn’t you want to be painting that mural or writing that book you’ve been dreaming about instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop?
  4. No, we aren’t going to tell you to drop your partner. Only you know if that’s the best option for you. But if they are the trigger for you to turn into the Sherlock Homegirl… we may want to consider this option. But also know you may need to cut your man some slack. Running isn’t always the option, don’t be afraid to work on yourself or apologize when it’s needed.

Now for Mr. Fix It. I’m just going to give you some bullet points so it’s easy to follow along. We know you don’t like to read. If you’ve gotten this far, round of applause. And not the kind you get in the strip club.

  • Check yourself. What are you doing and what could you do different?
  • Make more deposits. Tell your girl she’s beautiful and that you love her pancake booty. Surprise her with gifts. Shower her with love!
  • Listen to her! You’d be surprised how many times you might avoid an issue.
  • Be honest, and truthful about how you want to change and what you’re going to do to fix things that went wrong in the past.
  • Let her know, gently, when she’s taking her investigation or her words too far. You’re not your mistakes or the last guys.
  • If you love her, don’t give up. It’s hard to find love these days, if it’s worth it, and she’s trying, don’t give up!

Bottom line, no one starts off crazy and no one is saying that you have to deal with it. If one person is acting out in a relationship, it’s possible that you both have things you need to fix. But work with each other, not against each other. If you both truly love one another then you have the same goal in mind. It’s not going to be easy and it will be uncomfortable but it will be worth it!

**If you can think of some other tips or tricks on overcoming issues in a relationship, leave us a comment below! We can use all the help we can get :)**

Image > Flickr

5 Tips to Stick to a Lifestyle Change

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Are you thinking about changing your lifestyle, whether it be going vegan, becoming more thrifty or becoming more spiritually centered. We’ve all heard that phrase that Rome wasn’t built in a day but how often do we actually consider that our Rome won’t be built in a day either. When we are ready to reach a new level in life often times we want that level up to happen quicker than it can or will. We have to prepare ourselves, we might have to jump over a few pits and break down a few barriers before we rescue the princess from Bowser. Here are a few tips and tricks that can help making your transition from who you were to who you want to be and trying not to get overwhelmed while you are doing so.

 

Make Small Changes: We tend to think that either it is all or nothing and there’s no room for mistakes. This may work for somethings and some people. But you can’t apply this same rule to everything and everyone in life. In the mean time, you don’t have to go all in and throw every single snack you have away you’ve ever enjoyed or stop getting your hair done and your nails fixed. All this means is that we want to make better decisions. So, instead of getting the extra blinded out nails, try getting a nice color that can last you a few weeks you won’t have to worry about touching up. Try substituting one meal out of your day for something home cooked and healthy. Small changes will lead to bigger changes over time after you build you confidence.

Envision What You Want For Yourself: I know it sounds silly, but envisioning the outcome that you want for yourself can be very helpful. When I was learning to play basketball, my father used to tell me to envision the ball going into the hoop. Envision your ball going into the hoop! This can help especially when you are filling like you’ve lost your way. It can help you get back on track sooner than later! That brings us to the next step.

Don’t beat your self up: This is a Major Key Alert! I know how easy it is to feel down when you didn’t have a cheat free day or week, but we all make mistakes. If you broke down and bought a bag that cost too much, or you ate meat after doing so good. It can feel like it’s the end of the world but you can’t give up. Dust yourself off and try again! This one mistake or 50 mistakes don’t define who you are or what you want in life. What defines you is whether you give up or not. Mistake does not mean the same thing as failure or giving up and you can’t fail when you try.

Talk to friends and family: More often than not, when you share your struggles with friends and family that support you they will let you know just how far you’ve come. I know it sounds simple but sometimes you need to hear that your hard work is being noticed and that you are working hard.

Don’t give up: I’ve mentioned this a few times but it bears mentioning again. If you wan’t to reach your goals, the cardinal rule is to not give up. If something is important to you, the worst thing you can do is to give up or never try. You’ll never know what you could have accomplished.

I know that changing your lifestyle can be really hard, even though the benefits are great. This means shifting things in your personality that have been ingrained in you, possibly from birth. Don’t expect things to happen overnight. If it does, that’s awesome but if it doesn’t keep trying and never give up. That better you is waiting on the other side!

Do you have any tips and pointers on making a lifestyle change that weren’t listed above? Leave something in the comments, we can all benefit!